Trainwreck times 2

I just finished watching Trainwreck with Amy Schumer (@amyschumer). Can I just say one word – AWESOME. Not only was it fecking funny, her character was so relatable and the couple actually seemed like a real life sig others. I have to say that it was refreshing to be genuinely entertained so thanks Judd Apatow (‏@JuddApatow) for yet another classic and thank you Amy for your talented writing. Keep making movies.

On another note, I decided to cancel one of my online dating profiles today, a very bittersweet moment. No longer will I be able to have the pleasure of reading HOTTOTROT’s (made up user name…I think) steamy rendition of his morning shower routine or TICKLEMEARNOLD’s (another fake user name) profession of love, he just knew at first site that I was his soulmate for this world and the next (WTB!!). Being an esteemed online dating specialist has provided fodder for the blog but I made a conscious decision to keep the remaining pieces of my integrity intact for a little while longer in order to meet someone in the flesh. Call me ole school but I kinda like hearing/seeing/feeling (emotionally not literally…of course) a human, short for “huge man”, within a 2 foot radius of my being. That’s where the sexy part lives, in body language and flirtation, not heaving breathing on your laptop screen which inevitably you have to wipe down with those special anti-static cloths specifically tailored for electronics the next morning when you put on that brave face and actually reflect on last night’s-late night-under the influence email that you may have sent to the 6’3”, 200 lb. 25-year-old who lists his 10 fav things as “sex x 10” (and I wonder why I’m sapiosexual??) to see what witty dribble you managed to type with 2 stiff fingers which then got autocorrected to sound like some kind of 200 word Haiku poem…you know what I’m talking about, we’ve all been there. It always starts out like “ur hot ass fack”, translation being “your hot as fuck” which quickly takes a turn for the worse if that’s even humanly possible. My first instinct is to immediately remove my profile from his view/wink/poke/dance list but I usually end up clicking on his full profile (noooooooo…) so not only does he has the gift of your eloquent email but it now you’re “that” batshit crazy girl who makes vision boards of their future lives together because you can’t stop gazing upon his it’s go-time, mirrored selfies at the gym. So you’re holding your breath praying that this user doesn’t come online while you’re devising a way to erase your online existence and before you can determine how to escape into invisi-Bill’s and imagi-Mary’s world (two great friends of mine) and suddenly the “this user is online” button lights up and your stomach just drops and the bile rises to the back of your throat because that douche bag has now seen your antics and actually blocks you before you get the chance to block him. If that’s not a WTB moment than I don’t know what is???!!!! Suffice it to say, I’m going out on the town friends and giving it a whirl at Dublin’s finest drinking establishments…this actually might be BETTER fodder for the blog…

2 thoughts on “Trainwreck times 2

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