Love and Tinderness??!

Alas I just couldn’t stay away from online dating so after much convicing from my mates (Imagi-Mary, Invisi-Bill and Hid-Denis) I joined Tinder. And even though I haven’t been on long it’s been the craic. I’ve never chatted with so many men at once. I feel much more brazen with this app than any other, in that I will swipe right for men I would never approach otherwise. I suppose it’s the fact they cannot see if you’ve liked them (unless your super techy and know to download one of those sneaky apps that tracks these kinds of actions – if so, can you pass along how-to guide…I’m serious).

I’m astonished how many of these men have swiped me right, haha. I even got a SUPER LIKE the other day. I had no idea what this even meant, I had to do a search to decipher what the blue star was, clearly a rookie!!

Definition (thanks to Irish Examiner article, Swipe up? Now you can super like someone on Tinder, published Thursday, October 01, 2015):

“When your profile pops up on their screen, a bright blue footer and star icon will also appear, letting them know you really really like them. Persuasive. Use it wisely though. You only get one swipe up a day (or five if you are on Tinder Plus) – and you can’t save them for a Tinder binge.”

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Eg: Lindsey is ‘pointing’ out that she’s crushing on ya (Screenshot/blog.gotinder.com)

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Eg: Lindsey is breathing a sigh of relief because your man felt the same (Screenshot/blog.gotinder.com)

Another surprising fact, 90% of my matches are younger men…I don’t know how to attract even remotely close to my age (unwritten 10 under/10 over rule, years that is) but I do try. Today, a 34-year old solicitor reached out and I must admit that I’m intrigued. But why do mature women always feel like we’re robbing the cradle (racked with guilt) but older men puff their chests out with unabridged pride when bagging aka landing, snagging or wrangling (insert image of cowboy calf roping at a rodeo) a younger woman??!! I’ve made a conscious decision that I’m not going to give out anymore. If a young lad wants a taste of my edgy wit and silly sarcasm then I say bring it! It could be my true calling…guiding these lost souls through the perils of the modern woman…a Tinder coach of sorts.

Needless to say, I have had a few good convos with “eligible” (and I use that word loosely because it’s an absolute shite show in swipe-right-land…more on in a moment) men these past days and already it hasn’t disappointed in terms of WTB moments. For example, your man had a profile with the age, 47 prominently displayed under his “cuteish” profile pic so I swiped right grateful that I was able to land a gent my own age who I found somewhat attractive albeit with a few grainy pics taken 10 years ago with 8 of his best mates so you don’t actually know who you’re choosing but who am I to stand in the way of fate!! Soooo this 47-year-old lad texted me and his message went as such…

Your gorgus (I’m assuming he meant gorgeous, please try dictionary.com, it’s really not that hard). I know this mite sound cheecky but would you like some companny to night??? and I want to tell u that Im 27 hope it duznt turn u off

DELETE and BLOCK.

This did not dampen my spirit, I went right back to the rolodex and swiped right on a plethora of Tinder’s finest. Next story, a gent, again within my own age range (41) and an expat, strike up a bit of an exchange. He moved here to learn English but having lived here for a decade his accent was a mixed bag of nuts (Spanirish). He seemed a wee bit excited as I was his first match…already heading south because you are now the bar that sets the standard, gulp!! Next, he’s asking me all kinds of questions over text which I can’t answer quick enough so I started answering in point form in one long text back so it really didn’t flow…even further south. But he seems very polite and eager, and again, who am I to judge?!! So he asks to see me in person and my response was to give it a few more days and matches before pushing ahead with a meet & greet. He accepts this and concedes to a few more days of Tinder activity. Fast forward 4 days and a few hundred point-formed answers, he offers to meet at a pub, watch a match and grab a burger. Public place, lots of people, chill environment, I’m in. So I replied the night before agreeing to join him the following day at the aforementioned local drinking establishment at set time as was clearly outlined to me along with directions of how to get there, this guy meant business. Set plan right??  WRONG, I’ve officially landed at the south pole…I wake up the next morning with tea and toast to find that he had blocked me, WTB!! Truth be told I was delighted because subconsciously I wanted to crash on my sofa with my bag o Meanies’ crisps…I reckon my sub had decided that this was only a practice round anyways (aka warm-up date before the real deal). Maybe he thought my English wasn’t up to snuff given my extensive use of fragmented sentences?!

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